I finally decided that I was done being fat. For far too long, I have allowed myself to become an out of shape, not what I used to be, big fat slob. And I hate it. I hated it when I saw the pounds coming on. I hated it when I was rejected by dates in the past. I hated it when I would just sit on my couch making excuse after excuse. I hated it when people would silently judge me. Some time ago, friends of mine joined the BeachBody revolution. They tried so hard to get me to join with them. I would tell them, "Oh, I'll just go to the gym. I don't do well with at home workouts." Which I did go to the gym, however, something always seemed to come up. Then I wouldn't go for another week to a month; and then start the cycle all over again. In my mind I knew why I wasn't seeing any results. Yet, I still couldn't believe that the effort I was putting in wasn't showing a thing. My clothes were fitting tighter and tighter, to which I was forced to buy a size bigger than the last time. Slowly but surely....myself as I knew it was no more. I was no longer the size 8-12 I used to be. Instead I am now the 22-24 that I absolutely hate with a passion. It has crushed me in more ways that I can even describe. Friends who knew me from before look at me as if I have a third leg sometimes. And others look at me like they just want to give me a sympathy hug. Some just act like nothing has changed, but the looks on their faces tell a different story. I see right through every.single.look.
I'm done.
I'm done feeling lousy about myself.
I'm done making excuses
I'm done feeling like the odd ball at family functions
I'm done putting myself last.
I'm simply done.
So today, I did something I normally wouldn't do. I bought a dress. Yes, you read that right. I bought a dress that I want to fit into in the near future. I'm sure this is something that is frowned upon. But at this point, I don't friggin care. When I laid eyes on this dress there was something in me that clicked. Now, I have blogged and talked about losing weight before and talked with family and friends. But today, on this day June 2, 2017, something clicked like never before. I really wanted to wear that dress and could see myself in it. I mean really see myself in it! You ever had one of those flashes of how your life could be in the future if you just put forth the effort? Yup, that was me in that instant. I sent my husband a text with a picture of the dress; telling him I found my weight loss inspiration dress. Part of me was hoping he would say, "Why not wait until next month to get it". And then I knew I'd be off the hook to really do something about my ever growing body. But when he told me to get it, I almost burst into tears. It was then I knew the time had come. Would you believe that when I went back into the store, my heart was racing and my forehead started to sweat? I mean, I've bought clothes I wanted to fit into before. But not like this. THIS was epic to me. Because I knew....I just KNEW! That this was the beginning of no more excuses. No more sitting on the computer wasting away my day. No more letting my kids be the reason I didn't do what I should have done. This wasn't just any dress. No way. This was the beginning of the end. It is kind of funny that the dress is black. So I guess you could say that when I do get to wear it, I will be going to the funeral of who I used to be...and celebrating who I have become. Hopefully the next time I come here to talk about my weight loss journey, I will have actually lost some.
Here's to the tough road ahead. May every day be one step closer to the greater goal!
Happy Friday everyone!
Side note...I wrote this yesterday and forgot to publish it. Ha, oops!
No comments:
Post a Comment