Time to get real

At 195, I have decided it's time to do something about my weight.  Growing up I always had meat on my bones.  But I mistook it for being fat.  Therefore I never enjoyed who I really was.  I was always afraid of how others saw me.  Now years later, I am still in that same fear.  Worried that someone won’t want me because of my size.  And with the media, how can I not be self-conscious?  Being a busy mom, college student, and a part time worker, it is hard for me to take some time out and do what I need to do.  I love to exercise and I love to work out.  But the time just isn’t there it seems.  I tried out Weight Watchers for a couple of weeks, but that seemed to hurt me more than help me.  By that I mean I was constantly getting on the scale and obsessed with the points, whereas before I wasn’t.  I would only get on the scale the first thing in the morning, but that was it.  With Weight Watchers, it was more like three times a day.  And when I say obsessed, I was worried of using all of my points before the day was over, so I wouldn't eat much of anything.  Having a prior history with anorexia, I knew that was not a healthy way to look at things.  I feared that eventually my disease would come back, so I knew I had to quit the program.  Once I did, a weight was finally lifted. My eating has never been the culprit of my weight gain.  It has always been the lack of movement.  I’m not saying my eating is perfect, but I do not have a problem with portion size or over-eating.  It’s simply the exercise part.  Now if I had the money to hire a personal trainer, then I’d be golden!  Alas, that is not the case.  So as a pledge to myself, I have made small short term goals that will have long-term results.  

Goal 1:  Get back to the gym.

Even if I only get there once a week, that is progress.  Just doing nothing won’t help me, it will only hurt me.  There have been many times I have told myself reasons not to go, or that I could do it or something else later.  But once later got here I was always too tired or just didn't feel like it. 

Goal 2: Stay off the computer. 

This is a horrible, horrible, horrible habit of mine.  When my son is outside playing or if we go to my mom's house, all I want to do is relax, watch tv, and get on the computer.  I don’t want to be bothered to do anything.  It’s been a long day and/or week and shoot I deserve it, right?  Well instead of getting on the computer, I can be doing some exercise DVDs, clean, or even cook.  There is something I can be doing that doesn’t require me to be on the couch.  8:30 pm is his bed time and the time when I should be sitting on the couch in preparation of going to bed.  Which leads me to my next goal…

Goal 3: Go to bed early.

I have a horrible habit of going to bed around 11 pm or midnight.  Not exactly the best time to get some shut eye for a busy person like me; especially since I have to get up at either 5 or 6 am.  

Goal 4:  Drink more water

Another bad habit I have.  I will admit, I have a huge sweet tooth and I don’t always want to drink water.  I like my juices and kool-aid…scratch that…LOVE them.  But I also remember when I was drinking a lot of water, I felt more energized.  Time to go back to that.

Goal 5: Play with my child more.

This goes along with Goal 2.  I know I’m not the only guilty one of this (not pointing any fingers!).  So I feel okay with admitting this.  He has asked me to play with him less and less.  Mainly because I have been too tired and suggested he do something else.  The way I see it if I keep this up, one day it’s going to bite me in the behind.  The song The Cats in the Cradle comes to mind.  

So those are the first of my goals.  I’m sure many are saying “How simple, why couldn’t you just do that already?”.  I’ll tell you why.  I haven’t been ready.  I could give you every single reason why I wasn’t ready, but I’m not going to.  The point is, I am ready now and I want to change, now.  That is the most important lesson.  Anyone can say they want to do something and say how they are going to do it.  But nothing will be set in motion if they aren’t ready to make the change happen.  

There you have it.  My time of realness :).  I am now going to enjoy the rest of my busy week.  I hope you enjoy yours.

Great Things

I decided this week to do something I have never done before.  I joined Weight Watchers.  I will admit, when I went to the meeting it felt odd.  So many were talking about their struggles with eating (hence the program).  Naturally I felt a bit out of place; mainly because my biggest problem isn't eating...it's getting myself off the couch or chair to do some exercise.  However, after talking to the woman who leads the group it started to feel as if I needed to be there.  Accountability is the key word for me.  If I know I have to weigh myself every week, that will push me to do what I need to do to get healthy again.  So day one on W.W. wasn't so bad.  Once I was able to sit down and really take a look at the website and recipes, it started to get easier.  Well, it has to since I'm planning on doing this for the long haul.  Tomorrow is mine and my son's day for the Rec Center, which he has been talking about all week.  That's another thing I have to get ready for...that boy loves to run. I think what I will do is post before and after pictures each month....I think.  Not sure I've become that brave just yet.  But I will keep everyone updated on my progress. As they told me this week, this is the last time you will ever see that number (on the scale).  I'm excited, scared, and some other emotions I can't quite pinpoint.  But either way, I'm realizing I can't do everything on my own *yes better late than never to figure this out*.  Alright, time for bed.  Goodnight fellow bloggers.  Until next time!

    I promise I am still alive :D.  This weekend my son and I spent some time at the gym.  He may only be six, but this boy loves to work out!  We went on the track at my school's gym and all he wanted to do was run.  Let me tell you...that was the most intense ten minutes of my life!  But it was good.  I called him my little personal trainer :).  So we're going to do that every Saturday, which means I can't skip out on my workouts during the week.  My body will thank me for it.  

      Also this weekend, I spent time making my first salt scrub and bath salts.  It was so rewarding to make something from scratch...as it always is.  But then when I came across another sugar scrub recipe, a woman said to stay away from food coloring when making your scrubs.  Her link can be found here.  Of course I was bummed at first because I used coloring in both things I had just made.  Yet when I did some more research, I realized how right she was.  So I started looking at alternatives which I found here.  I haven't tried these yet since I just started making the scrubs yesterday.  But! I do plan to try these in the near future.  So now I'm not so bummed about starting over.  At least I'll know what is going into the products I make (and I'll be able to pronounce them!). 

  As someone who was very content with what the stores offered, I'm becoming more repulsed by what is in our foods, body care products, etc.  I never thought I would be "that" person who was concerned about what the ingredients contain.  But the more I research the more determined I am to start making just about everything from scratch.  I promise I won't become someone who preaches about what one should or shouldn't do.  I will, however, post some links from time to time just so others can have information (if they want it).  I know first hand how difficult it is to get out of the comfort zone, especially if that is what you grew up with*.   So I don't fault anyone who isn't aware or decides to keep doing what they are doing. 

  Alright, enough blogging for now and back to my homework...my actual school work.  Have a great Sunday!

*Update and correction:  As children we had homemade foods.  But as we got older and busier with our lives, we all became more accustomed to the store-bought foods :).

It's been very crazy and busy around here, and I'm really excited.  Ever since we decided on where we were going to move to after my graduation, we've been getting ready for our next adventure.   Literally, in two weeks, we are going to have a combined moving sale with two whole households.  If that isn't chaotic, then I don't know what is!  Luckily, my school schedule allows me to have plenty of time for to get this accomplished.  And soon I'm going to be making my first table runner (oh and I am still baking).  I know it doesn't sound like much, but for me it's a HUGE step towards my goal.  Ever since I worked my first retail job at 5.7.9., there has always been a love of fashion.   From the first mannequin I dressed to the first window display I was able to do on my own, it has stuck with me.  Now that I have come full circle, I am able to do little things to prepare me for the bigger things.  My goals for the future will entail making clothing for women and children.
 
  Lately going to the stores, I have been utterly disappointed with the clothing selections for myself, my mother, and my son.  Now, I'm not a size 0, but that doesn't mean I don't want to look good.  Even though I am doing what I need to do in order to get healthy...I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I will not be smaller than a size 10.  Trust me, I am completely fine with that.  I like having meat on my body (I've been as skinny as a rail before, it wasn't pretty).  My frustration escalated when I did some back to school shopping for my son and myself.  The selections they have for him are even smaller than what I have to pick from.  I was hoping that it may have been because of our region, but that doesn't seem to be the case.  And since I am not made out of money, I have to settle for what is around...for now anyway.  But seriously, what happened to making clothing for children fun?  What happened to letting them be kids and stay kids for as long as possible?  They should enjoy being colorful, in which clothes should compliment that.  When my son was a baby, I couldn't stand the options there were for him.  Not that I have anything against Winnie The Pooh or any other cartoon character...it wasn't for me.  I wanted his room to have the bright blues, greens, reds, and yellows.  It took a while, but I was finally able to find some bedding that satisfied my need for color.  To this day, my son loves colors that pop.  He'll pick out a red hoodie before a maroon one or even a navy blue.  Unfortunately, even in the girl's section, it seems that the designers for these department stores are more worried about children looking like little adults.  So again I ask, why not let them be kids?  Of course they should look good for school, but let them be children in doing so.  Play clothes shouldn't have to look cheap either.  So! After seeing all of this, I have decided that I am going to get on the clothing bandwagon as well.  Okay, I am now off of my soap box.  I can breathe now :). 

So as I said, so many exciting things are happening around here.  It's going to be hectic, crazy, and chaotic....but I wouldn't have it any other way :D!

I have so much to blog about, it's such a shame that I want to write about it late at night (especially on the nights I have to get up early the next day).  But exciting things are happening for my family and myself.  More news is to come as the semester gets underway.  However, for tonight...I have to somehow can my excitement :D!!!! 

Please pray that I get enough sleep...ha. 

Goodnight world!

I just wanna say, before I go bomb take my second to last final,...that I got the B's I needed in order to graduate this year!!!  God is so good!!!  I'm so happy to see how things are falling into place these days!  Tomorrow is my last final.  But then next week I start classes again.  That's alright, we're having a party afterwards.  Yours truly will be serving strawberry cheesecake cupcakes.  Woohoo!! Okay...time to go um.."ace" this thing!

Welcome to my new home!

Yay you've found me!  

So, today on my break in between classes, I went on a shopping trip with my mom.  First, we went to Pier 1 and my creative wheels started turning.  It's too bad I haven't gotten paid yet, cause I would have done some major damage today!  But none-the-less, I controlled myself.  Later we went to Lowes so she could buy some paint.  She's getting her house ready so it can be sold :D!!  This is a good GREAT thing!  So while she was getting her paint ready, I went over to the paint samples...heaven :).  Whilst I was there :) (big grin) an idea hit.  So let me go back a little bit.  Lately I've been looking online to find colors for my soon to be candles and I've gotten a little frustrated.  Mainly because there aren't any candle supply shops around here, except Hobby Lobby and Michael's.  I love those stores, but they don't have what I'm looking for.  Anyhoo, my online quest was leaving me frustrated.   But while we were at Lowes, that frustration melted away once I started looking at the paint samples.  That's when it hit me to get samples of colors I would want to use for my candles.  So once I do get the candle dye...then I will be able to match it to the color I want better, than trying to experiment with a little bottle and nothing to go by :D (I'm sure that was a run-on, but grammar isn't my strong forte tonight. Ha).

I wanted to share this lovely idea of mine with anyone who is in the same boat as myself.  Those who are wanting to start, but aren't sure where to begin...or those who are getting the supplies together, but may need that extra oomph.  So happy crafting everyone! Til next time :).

 P.S. if anyone has a reliable online shop where they get their supplies, please feel free to comment below! I look forward to hearing from you all.