Time to get real

At 195, I have decided it's time to do something about my weight.  Growing up I always had meat on my bones.  But I mistook it for being fat.  Therefore I never enjoyed who I really was.  I was always afraid of how others saw me.  Now years later, I am still in that same fear.  Worried that someone won’t want me because of my size.  And with the media, how can I not be self-conscious?  Being a busy mom, college student, and a part time worker, it is hard for me to take some time out and do what I need to do.  I love to exercise and I love to work out.  But the time just isn’t there it seems.  I tried out Weight Watchers for a couple of weeks, but that seemed to hurt me more than help me.  By that I mean I was constantly getting on the scale and obsessed with the points, whereas before I wasn’t.  I would only get on the scale the first thing in the morning, but that was it.  With Weight Watchers, it was more like three times a day.  And when I say obsessed, I was worried of using all of my points before the day was over, so I wouldn't eat much of anything.  Having a prior history with anorexia, I knew that was not a healthy way to look at things.  I feared that eventually my disease would come back, so I knew I had to quit the program.  Once I did, a weight was finally lifted. My eating has never been the culprit of my weight gain.  It has always been the lack of movement.  I’m not saying my eating is perfect, but I do not have a problem with portion size or over-eating.  It’s simply the exercise part.  Now if I had the money to hire a personal trainer, then I’d be golden!  Alas, that is not the case.  So as a pledge to myself, I have made small short term goals that will have long-term results.  

Goal 1:  Get back to the gym.

Even if I only get there once a week, that is progress.  Just doing nothing won’t help me, it will only hurt me.  There have been many times I have told myself reasons not to go, or that I could do it or something else later.  But once later got here I was always too tired or just didn't feel like it. 

Goal 2: Stay off the computer. 

This is a horrible, horrible, horrible habit of mine.  When my son is outside playing or if we go to my mom's house, all I want to do is relax, watch tv, and get on the computer.  I don’t want to be bothered to do anything.  It’s been a long day and/or week and shoot I deserve it, right?  Well instead of getting on the computer, I can be doing some exercise DVDs, clean, or even cook.  There is something I can be doing that doesn’t require me to be on the couch.  8:30 pm is his bed time and the time when I should be sitting on the couch in preparation of going to bed.  Which leads me to my next goal…

Goal 3: Go to bed early.

I have a horrible habit of going to bed around 11 pm or midnight.  Not exactly the best time to get some shut eye for a busy person like me; especially since I have to get up at either 5 or 6 am.  

Goal 4:  Drink more water

Another bad habit I have.  I will admit, I have a huge sweet tooth and I don’t always want to drink water.  I like my juices and kool-aid…scratch that…LOVE them.  But I also remember when I was drinking a lot of water, I felt more energized.  Time to go back to that.

Goal 5: Play with my child more.

This goes along with Goal 2.  I know I’m not the only guilty one of this (not pointing any fingers!).  So I feel okay with admitting this.  He has asked me to play with him less and less.  Mainly because I have been too tired and suggested he do something else.  The way I see it if I keep this up, one day it’s going to bite me in the behind.  The song The Cats in the Cradle comes to mind.  

So those are the first of my goals.  I’m sure many are saying “How simple, why couldn’t you just do that already?”.  I’ll tell you why.  I haven’t been ready.  I could give you every single reason why I wasn’t ready, but I’m not going to.  The point is, I am ready now and I want to change, now.  That is the most important lesson.  Anyone can say they want to do something and say how they are going to do it.  But nothing will be set in motion if they aren’t ready to make the change happen.  

There you have it.  My time of realness :).  I am now going to enjoy the rest of my busy week.  I hope you enjoy yours.