Well hello everyone, long time no see! In the recent months, I have not only moved back around my hometown, but I have gotten married, found and lost a job, and now I am almost 4 months pregnant. Yup! That's right!!! I'm pregnant with my second child; husband's first. And while we know what we're having....I'm not going to reveal it just yet :D. But instead, I want to talk to you first time fathers. If you happen to stumble across my blog, please please PLEASE read this.
I urge you to read articles and the book "What to Expect When Expecting". It will not only help you understand what pregnancy does to the female body, but it will help you connect with your significant other.
So, let's start this bad boy off by talking about cravings. They happen all of the time! The food may be in the house, it may be at a restaurant, store, what have you. But expect them to happen. If your wife/girlfriend mentions what may sound good, offer to go get it for her. DO NOT WAIT TO BE ASKED. Not saying she won't ask. However if she doesn't, please just go get it. This will squash a lot of the fighting. Now, I was nice when I had my cravings. I didn't wake my husband up in the middle of the night and ask him to go to the store for me. Mainly because he had to get up early for work the next day, and I wanted to be considerate. Yet with my experience this time, my husband would not go to the store unless I actually asked, even if he knew I wanted something specific to eat. Do not do this!
It is EXTREMELY important to realize that your wife/girlfriend is not being lazy. And yes, being that tired is normal. Even the doctor will tell you. As long as all of her levels are on the right track, there is nothing to worry about. Unfortunately this has been a sore spot for the both of us. When I was pregnant with my first child, I was a single mom and I had to work. I had no choice. All I had at the time were my parents since I had moved away. So staying home when I felt sick to my stomach, or had been up all night because I couldn't get comfortable wasn't an option. I had no one to lean on. I do now, so my thought process has changed and so have my circumstances. However, that hasn't stopped me from wanting to do work around the house and outside of the home. So with that being said, if she was a hard worker before pregnancy, trust me, she will be a hard worker after she's gotten over the fatigue. Give her time!!! Which leads me to this. If she is extremely tired....do not under any circumstance ask her what she got done around the house, or say you feel she's been lazy. Those are fighting words!! I promise you! This is where the book comes in handy. The baby literally wipes us out. Not only do we have morning sickness (sometimes we throw up, other times we just have the nausea), but we have a baby who is growing and feeding off of us. The placenta is growing...and..ya...just read the book :)! It's just enough for us to go to the bathroom some days.
Ah...cleaning the house. Men...you helped make the baby, you need to help with the chores, and possibly take over for the time being. That means, clean the house. Don't just half-ass it. She doesn't have the energy. Imagine if you will, that you are 500lbs, trying to go up the stairs. You get up maybe half-way but then, your heart beats so fast, and you're out of breath and all you want to do is sit down. Suddenly, you get dizzy and are afraid you're going to fall down the stairs or worse, pass out. That's how it is for most of us in our first trimester. We can start to do something, but about 2-5 minutes into the chore, we can hardly breathe. Be patient, that too will pass. So back to cleaning. Let's think about this for a moment. How exactly did you keep the house clean before we moved in with you? Did you let the dog hair pile up in the crevices of your home to where it stank so much...and THEN you finally cleaned it up? Or did you clean up the house after you came home from work, or even on the weekends? JUST DO IT! Don't let everything pile up and then get mad because we haven't helped. If there's laundry, wash, dry, and FOLD the laundry. If there are dishes in the sink, clean them. If the floors need vacuuming...and the bathroom. OH MY GOODNESS the bathroom!!!! Do not let the germ-infested room become more germy all because you're trying to prove a point. Clean the damn thing! Listen, we know you work hard and you're tired. However, just because you have a woman living with you now, that doesn't give you full reign on selectively forgetting how to pick up a mop, a bucket, wash cloth or sponge, and clean the house. You become the "maid" until she is able to get back on her feet and take over the house dutites. That is, if that is the arrangement you two have. Either way, work with her, not against her. She is already having a tough time with her hormones going up and down like the Screaming Eagle at Six Flags, or one of those twisty roller coasters. And it's not something that can be turned off. Oh no...it's constant. One minute she's fine, the next she's biting your head off, to crying. It can't be helped, it can't be stopped, but it can be diminished. Is it fair for you men? Hell to the no! Do you want to bitch slap us?? Oh I'm sure you do. But just remember, you helped with the baby making process :). BUT!!! Don't despair. If you start off by helping because you know she just can't do it right now, the hormones may not rage as much. If they do take over....then I don't know what to tell you, except good luck. That hasn't been my experience where the hormones took over no matter what, yet every pregnancy is different. But take my word for it. If I'd had that kind of support from the beginning, my reactions to things would have been completely different.
Last pointer. Do special things for her. Bring a flower or two home for your honey. If she's too tired to go somewhere, don't pressure her. But if she's not too tired, take her someplace special. Of course this should be done whether she's pregnant or not, but now is the best time to show her some extra appreciation. Men, you gotta step up your game. And to those who already do this....I applaud you!!! Keep up the good work. But men who have no clue what they're getting themselves into, trust me on this. I do promise that things will get better. Especially when you're holding your new bundle of joy. Everything you fought about, worried about, stressed about during the pregnancy will melt away as you're holding your new baby. Just remember. Be patient :). This will most definitely work out and fall back into place.
* Please note that I am not a professional at all. I am only speaking from my own experience. I welcome any comments or questions you may have. Thank you for reading!
